ISTJ and ESFP relationships are ones in which they love to relax together but don’t find each other to be that competent. TypeMatch assigns this match a low-medium compatibility score in our free dating and friendship app based on personality type. Below we explain what makes this relationship challenging but workable.
In some ways, ESFPs and ISTJs align well and fit each other’s desires and expectations. In other ways, they are the opposite of what each one expects and wants. Normally, the two lack spark and passion. They don’t naturally find each other interesting or want to get close. They find each other charming and useful but not much more. In terms of usefulness, they seek each other out when solving practical problem. They can help each other with small, practical tasks because share a partial common language but have different strengths. Ultimately, they are more useful than interesting to each other.
ESFPs and ISTJs have a medium level of emotional distance and comfort in a relationship. From a distance, they seem similar and compatible in terms of how they approach life. However, it’s only an initial illusion. Upon getting closer, the two find they oppose each other in some fundamental ways, like their world views. Additionally, the two struggle to agree on priorities and what to take action on. Typically, the closer they get, the more strained the relationship gets.
ESFP and ISTJ relationships have a range in terms of how well they can work together that is determined by their emotional closeness, how the relationship starts, and who leads. The leader of the relationship sets the tone for how it will go- whether smoothly or not. They are never very highly compatible but may be able to live together in harmony, accepting their differences. On the other end, they may have a lot of tension in the relationship. One of the biggest causes of arguments tends to be incompatibility in terms of lifestyle. They cannot agree on a mutual style of living that they both like and want to work towards. Moreover, they rarely have big conflicts but lack the understanding necessary to bring them close. They tend to have little arguments that appear suddenly but get over them quickly.
ESFPs and ISTJs don’t mix well as partners- in business or life. They do not completely understand each other’s intentions and have difficulty agreeing on what to focus on when dealing with a problem. As a result, they criticize each other’s objectives and actions. ESFP and ISTJ couples don’t trust each other’s abilities or fully appreciate each other’s strengths. So, they often underestimate and talk down to each other. They don’t take each other seriously and think they have to teach each other basic things. It feels like nagging and confuses each of them. To succeed, they need to avoid trying to change or teach their partner to be better by their own definitions. In the case that they strive to accept and understand each other, they can have a mostly smooth relationship.
More importantly, ESFP and ISTJ couples have the effect of deactivating each other. Together, they become lazy and uninterested in pursuing their goals or doing anything productive. They are at risk of becoming self-indulgent as a couple and focusing exclusively on relaxation. If they maintain that pace, their conversations become dull and they become increasingly bored and frustrated.
Overall, ESFPs and ISTJs enjoy relaxing together and having fun but have trouble moving towards goals both together and apart in this relationship. These relationships are well suited to taking vacations and engaging in relaxation together but not much else. This pair doesn’t often share mutual hobbies or interests. Usually, each one lacks some respect for the chose hobbies and interests of the other. As a result, they tend to stagnate in their lives and in the relationship and become bored. They find each other to be decent people and nice to be around but don’t consider each other for anything serious.
In terms of communication, ESFPs and ISTJs only half communicate. They tend to have relaxing conversations that aren’t really productive. They enjoy each other’s sense of humor and lighthearted conversation together. So, they do well at distracting each other from their problems but also their goals. The two try to support each other but when it comes to motivation they tend to have the opposite effect on each other. This makes achievement together extremely difficult as they have a hard time deciding a mutual path and course of action.
Because ESFPs and ISTJs cannot fully understand each other, a superficial nature underlies the relationship. They have the effect of softening each other and lulling each other into relaxation. As a pair, they hard time maintaining energy in their conversations. The two seem to be on different wave lengths, leading to misunderstandings. When one brings up one point, the other takes it in a different direction that isn’t satisfying to the first. So, in prolonged interactions, they annoy each other and find the relationship disappointing.
In arguments, each wants to assert their ability to lead their own life, separate from the way their partner likes to live. Additionally, they dislike having to explain themselves to each other and want their partner to just accept their feelings. It’s best for them to focus less on being right and more on having a sincere conversation with each other.
To have a healthy relationship, ESFPs and ISTJs must make an effort to listen to their partner’s view points. Even if they don’t completely agree or understand their partner’s view, the two have to provide emotional support. To stabilize the relationship. they have to learn to sympathize with each other by paying close attention to each other’s mood and being gentle with each other. These relationships are dependent on the ability of the partners to compromise. With self awareness, these relationships can be mostly calm and pleasant.
TypeMatch is your #1 resource for personality and love. We’re here to help guide you to getting a relationship where you feel understood. Check out more of our free resources below for ISTJs and ESFPs in love.
Are you an ISTJ or ESFP looking for your match? Try the Free TypeMatch Dating App!
Check out the relationship pages for both personality types: ESFP, ISTJ
Find out about the type’s compatibility with other personality types: free compatibility chart
Sources:
A.V. Bukalov, G. Boiko, “Why Saddam Hussein made a mistake, or what is Socionics”
Ekaterina Filatova “Art of understanding yourself and others”
Eugene Gorenko, Vladimir Tolstikov, “Nature of self”
I.D. Vaisband, publications on Socionics
Laima Stankevichyute “Intertype relations”
O.B. Slinko, “The key to heart – Socionics”
R.K. Sedih, “Informational psychoanalysis”
Sergei Ganin
Valentina Meged, Anatoly Ovcharov
V.V. Gulenko “Criteria of reciprocity”
V.V. Gulenko, A.V. Molodtsev, “Introduction to socionics”