INFJs have a difficult time with relationships. This is because INFJs look at where things are going but have trouble taking action in the present. INFJs pay close attention to what people say and are experts at picking out red flags. As a result, they can have a hard time finding the right relationship and getting it off the ground. In this article we’ll explore what relationships and love are like for INFJs.
The best way to describe INFJs in romance is that they are subtle. They like the little things, the small details. INFJs are idealists. They are visionary because they have the Ni and Fe in their top two cognitive functions. So, they fantasize about their relationship with somebody, but it’ll be fantasies that are almost mundane things, but in spectacular detail. They might even imagine going to the grocery store with their partner to buy milk and that will become a meaningful occasion. It’s like an incredibly detailed vision, and for them that type of vision is exciting to them because they’re imagining what life is going to look like with this person. They’re able to find the beauty in the everyday things, sharing those everyday experiences with you, and for you to be a part of their introvert zone.
When you are really close with an INFJ, you are no longer people. You are part of the introvert zone because you are not costing them energy. Although, it’s still important that they do have their alone time, and you need to be able to give that to them. It’s not about you; they just need to be alone for a little while. When an INFJ loves somebody, they just want to be next to them doing life. They will fantasize about doing life with that person, like taking a walk together, simple things. They’re not going to fantasize big, like, “Oh we were in Paris together at the Louvre, and I had roses,” or something like that. It’s going to be things that will likely come up and happen. That’s where they get the prophetic stereotype, because they can envision real life scenarios that are actually going to come to be. You will go to the grocery store and buy milk together, and they’ll be like, “Whoa, this is freakishly accurate.” Yeah, of course, that was going to happen.
It’s really important for INFJs to feel appreciated. They need to feel that you are appreciating all of their efforts. Basically, they greatly appreciate feeling appreciated.
When they like somebody, INFJs are good at giving a lot of attention to that person. They kind of zone in and analyze the person, observe and learn all about them. Because they can easily read other people’s emotions, they don’t have the problem of not being sure of if someone likes them back. An INFJ probably knows if you like them before you know if you like them or not, which makes it easier for them to initiate and go for it, so they seem not so introverted. They’re fine initiating with somebody that they really want and are interested in because they can read that other person. Did they like that? Are they interested back? Do they like me, too? Do they like, like me?
There is a metaphor that I came up with for INFJs, and that’s that INFJs are like avocados. Avocados are soft on the outside, but they have this hard core that’s very dense. That’s my metaphor for INFJs because of the high extroverted feeling that appears very warm to people, but the cold analytical Ti core that they really value. That Ti can appear cold and dispassionate.
INFJs are not only rare but can be difficult to get to know, even when dating. They tend to focus on others more than themselves and are great listeners. They are skilled in picking up on red flags but have trouble taking action in the present. As a result, an INFJ relationship is full of paradoxes. If you’re dating or trying to date an INFJ, download this guide with our top 20 pieces of practical advice for dating an INFJ.
In the common projection of INFJs as counselors, they’re counselors because they care about your feelings, are very good listeners, and look at you in a way that makes you feel that they’re really understanding you. It’s very important with the INFJ to not take advantage and treat them like your counselor. They get this all the time and it does wear on them. Though they are outwardly warm and empathetic, Internally, they’re logic is working. They’re analyzing, and they’re trying to come up with a solution for the problem for you. They can appear rather cold and dispassionate at times, but they also have a side of them that, when they do get excited and passionate about something, they turn into Aladdin. There’s this scene in the movie “Aladdin” where he’s describing Jasmine. He’s talking about how she’s got these eyes, and this hair, and she’s just beautiful. That’s how I see INFJs talking about their partner when they have a crush. They’re more quiet, soft-spoken and dispassionate, but then when they talk about their partner they really light up and become a sweet, excitable puppy, and it’s adorable.
Going along with that theme of the avocado, INFJs want to be seen as strong. In a partner, it’s very important that you recognize and see how strong they really are internally. Just because they are empathetic and showing compassion to you, doesn’t make them weak. That really hurts them, if you can’t see that in them, because that’s really an essential part of who they are as people.
Usually, the only thing that INFJs like about dating apps is that they don’t have to go out to meet people. They can stay home and get to know someone over messaging. However, they find dating apps shallow in how people are matched and how the selection is largely based on a person’s pictures. INFJs almost never like the hookup culture and casual dating that dating apps promote.
TypeMatch is a dating and friendship app designed with INFJs in mind. It uses personality quizzes to match you with people whose minds are built to naturally understand yours. It connects with real people who want to form real connections and look beyond the superficial. Try TypeMatch today by downloading now.