ESFJ and ENFJ relationships are ones kindred spirits and are based on common interests. However, they have difficulty when collaborating because of their opposite views. TypeMatch ranks them medium-low compatibility in our free TypeMatch dating and friendship app based on personality type. Below we explain what makes this relationship appear compatible but in reality difficult to maintain.
At first, ESFJs and ENFJs appear strikingly similar and establish a connection easily. In some ways, they are very similar because of their common interests and how they see the world. They have an easy time striking up a conversation but find that their relationship does not extend very far beyond that point. They enjoy discussing the same topics but think very differently about them and cannot influence each other’s opinions. The two remain separated in their views even after much discussion. It seems they have differences in philosophy of approach to practically everything.
In ESFJ and ENFJ relationships, their inability to understand each other’s views and approaches creates distance between them. They are polite to each other but avoid deep conversations where they have inevitable tension. As a result, conversations get boring, the relationship develops a formality to it, and they cannot achieve the closeness they wanted.
As they get further into the relationship, ESFJs and ENFJs discover that they have very different approaches in terms of how they go about things. They understand each other’s goals and think they have agreed on something, but then each one does the opposite of what the other expects. They do not understand each other’s methods and think their own way of doing things is correct. Knowing this, they must trust that their partner has their own process and work to achieve a compromise.
Further, when working together, ESFJs and ENFJs have trouble dividing duties and making decisions together. They do not have much of an opportunity to learn from each other since they feel they can’t really help each other or give advice. Generally, these two are not interested in solving each other’s problems. When working on a project, it’s best if they have a formal agreement in place and maintain an equal relationship. In instances where one is above the other, a fight for dominance ensues.
While ESFJs and ENFJs have similar goals in life, they follow different paths that diverge further and further from each other. They respect each other and know that their partner is capable of handling things on their own. Again, they usually don’t have much of an interest in helping each other. With too much closeness, ESFJs and ENFJs criticize each other for qualities that they themselves have. While they see each other’s weaknesses and know what the problems are in the relationship, they have a hard time resolving them. They’re commonly disappointed with the way their partner handles things. So, these two have frequent misunderstandings and are capable of hurting each other’s feelings. Over time, they begin to distrust each other and think that their partner is selfish because they misunderstand each other’s actions so much. While ESFJs and ENFJs can admire each other, it is at a distance.
Moreover, ESFJs and ENFJs tend to tire each other out with prolonged contact. They do not do well working together and feel a constant mild tension when together. At first, their interactions are intense and exciting but even this makes them exhausted. For these two, casual conversations are fun and easy but living together and performing daily tasks can put a big damper on the relationship. Luckily, their issues can be remedied with distance. They forgive each other easily and move on quickly after a fight. ESFJs and ENFJs just need breaks from each other and contact is best in short, exciting bursts.
Finally, ESFJ and ENFJ relationships work best when they have frequent new experiences together. The relationship is rewarding and smooth when they travel, attend events, try new things, and meet new people together. This relationship needs an exciting environment and mutual interests to thrive. Also, both partners must remain open-minded and not try to force their partner into their way of thinking. Of course, not all relationships of these types look the exact same. Maturity and subtype play a role and relationships work better between people whose types are more developed.
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Check out the relationship pages for both personality types: ESFJ, ENFJ
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