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People with a secure attachment style account for about 50% of the population.
People with a secure attachment style often:
Are comfortable expressing their needs and feelings in relationships. (secure)
Say no and set boundaries with others when needed
Do not abandon their values and feelings for the sake of others
Know that they are worthy of love and a healthy relationship
Feel secure in relationships and enjoy both time together and apart
Know what they want and communicate it easily
Are confident and relaxed in approaching relationships
Find it relatively easy to talk through issues in a relationship without fear
Relationship needs:
Balanced time spent together and apart
Time with family and friends as well as time with just the two of you
Communication and compromise
Work together to solve problems in the relationship
Time to focus on their own hobbies and interests
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An anxious attachment style is one of the three insecure attachment styles. About 50% of the population is said to have an insecure attachment style.
People with an anxious attachment style often:
Put the needs of others before their own and have trouble setting boundaries and saying no
Are often “clingy” in relationships and don’t like time away from their partner
Self abandon in relationships by sacrificing their values, interests, and other relationships with friends and family for the sake of their partner
Feel anxious that their partner is going to abandon them at any time
Try to overcompensate by being who the other person wants them to be in order to keep the peace and feel loved and accepted
Try to fix others’ problems for them
Are hypersensitive to the needs and moods of those around them
Relationship needs:
To feel appreciated, seen, accepted, and loved
To not be taken advantage of
To have practice in setting boundaries and see that it’s ok and they won’t be abandoned for saying no or maintaining their values and desires
To feel safe in a relationship and know that their partner will not leave them
Consistency in a show of affection and acceptance so that they can feel and become more secure
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An avoidant attachment style is one of the three insecure attachment styles. About 50% of the population is said to have an insecure attachment style.
People with an avoidant attachment style often:
Push people away when they get too close
Crave intimacy but fear it at the same time
Have a hard time connecting with their feelings and prefer to think things through logically
Keep people at a distance and fear being rejected
Are fiercely independent and proud that they are self-reliant
Feel like they don’t need others and prefer to focus on things
Have a hard time trusting and opening up in relationships
I have a hard time receiving and accepting love and affection
Relationship needs:
Personal space, privacy, and alone time
To take the relationship at their own pace and not feel pressured into commitments
To not be guilted for being “cold” or “uncaring” (they aren’t)
To feel safe opening up and being vulnerable but not have it pushed
Consistency in showing them love in the way that they need so they can feel and become secure
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An anxious-avoidant or disorganized attachment style is one of the three insecure attachment styles. About 50% of the population is said to have an insecure attachment style. If you scored high in both the anxious and avoidant categories (ie: your score for this category is over 50%), you may have an anxious-avoidant attachment style.
People with an anxious-avoidant attachment style often:
Have elements of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles.
Have a history of emotional trauma related to early relationships with caregivers
Get caught in “push-pull” relationships where they push others away and then beg them not to leave
Fear both closeness and abandonment
Are fiercely independent and also very loving
Have trouble setting boundaries but then set very hard boundaries when pushed too far
Feel trapped and stressed by the emotional needs of everyone around them but want to help
Relationship needs:
Have their love accepted and feel safe in the relationship so that they can feel and become more secure
To have their alone time when needed without feeling guilty
To not feel pressured and to be allowed to invite in love
To have practice in setting boundaries and see that it’s ok and they won’t be abandoned for saying no or maintaining their values and desires
Consistency and understanding from their partner
